Pinguinos of Tierra del fuego

3/2/2011
Ok ok, so this time I am LITERALLY writing this from the road.. We are currently being bumped around in the back of a mini-bus rumbling along dirt tracks back from estancia harberton With a faint smell of penguin guano wafting up from my trainers and the stains on the knees of my trousers (bright green FYI having knelt in it, yum)
Up early this morning for a 7:30am departure from ushuaia (albatros hotel), cruising past the beagle channel noting the dramatic amount of snow fall in the mountains last night, we are on a Pira tour (booked at 8:30pm last night) - the only tour company where you can actually walk amongst the penguins (all the others you just look from a catamaran). The tour time takes about 6hrs (1.5hrs each way in the bus) stopping off at some stunning sites on route. On arrival we were met by a local guide (Annie) who is fluent in Spanish and English, we boarded a 9m rib with twin 200hp Yamaha EFTL outboards and a VERY useful full awning style canopy (it's pretty darn cold down here) so was good as a wind break when being transported at 30knots across the Beagle channel by a very competent skipper (though still ignores the killcords). On the approach you can hear the squarking and calling of the penguins, 100's of breeding pairs and chicks mid-malting EVERYWHERE! And then the smell of fishy guano hits you.. The skipper beaches the nose of the rib and we pile off with our jaws dropped..







Wondering around you can choose to walk with the guide and hear lots of info & facts or tail back and get up close.. This one had a good gander at me!








The penguins here are predominantly Magellanic which are native to this area (look a bit like the jackass penguins you see in zoos in the UK) but there are also some Gentoo penguins here which have obviously travelled from the sub-Antarctic islands whilst following their food and have stayed, they are breeding fairly successfully too!
There's some obvious and basic rules, be quiet, walk slow, don't get closer than 3m and give a wide berth to nests (remembering they nest under ground here in burrows, every so often you will see sprays of mud & dirt being ejected vertically.. They are obviously adding and extension!)








Clattering noises cause you to pay attention as there's a fair amount of beak battling going on which is amusing to watch, look carefully and you will see penguins in every nook and cranny..with no fear of us whatsoever., truly amazing.







After about an hour of marvelling at the handsome little fellows we head back by rib to a local museum called acatushum where they have a huge collection of full skeletons of Orcas, dolphins, penguins, seals, Sealions and a variety of whales it was set up by a passionate American lady who married a local guy from the area. All of the skeletons are from carcasses which have been found on local beaches.








The people available to tell you more about the skeletons and bones are biology and vet uni students on placement for 6months to study (jealous? I am).








Jo was obviously totally absorbed considering her choice of masters degree (clinical anatomy) - I think she knew more than they did!








Some facts for you:-
- breeding & local waters for magellanic penguins
- though gentoo penguins are sub-Antarctic there approximately 20 breeding pairs here
- gentoo penguins are called pinguino Papua here
- do you know what the difference between a seal and a sealion are? From a distance you can tell immediately as seals scratch with their flippers (they have nails on the end) whereas seamount scratch with their tail fins.
Sealions walk on their front flippers whereas seals flop (undulate) across land.
Seals ears are inside their heads whereas Sealions have cute little ears on the outside of their heads.
Ushuaia is a stunning little town, has just the right amount of necessities to be comfortable without going over the top. Tierra del fuego national park is 20mins away, martial glacier 7km, penguins 1.5hrs and a ski resort within minutes.. We intend to come back here without a doubt but hiring a car and having a tent and sleeping bags in tow. It may be the most southern city in the world but it's not lacking anything.

- Posted whilst on the road

Location:Ushuaia

Easter island - the information that's not in the guide books

Easter Island – the information that’s not in the guide books..












Not to be missed:-
Hanga Roa waterfront - Head to Pea restaurant, grab a cold drink or lunch out on the terrace – make the most of the shade, cool sea breeze whilst watching the locals surf and don’t forget to look out for the turtles swimming just below the terrace.





Tongariki for sunrise– don’t be put off by the weather, it’s beautiful regardless. Arrive early to get a good spot. Beware to horses and cattle on the road, especially when driving in the dark.





Tahai for sunset, take a picnic and sit on the grass (be careful of nipping ants) amongst tourists and locals alike to enjoy the sunset. Walking distance from town.





Ovahue beach – make some time to take a swim here, as its not in the main guide books its quite likely you will have this beautiful pink sand beach all to yourself.





Rano Raraku, Orongo & Anakena beach – nothing new here, all these places should be on every visitors agenda, but visit them early morning to avoid the tour buses and big groups. Check opening hours as they do vary.
























Poike – another early morning needed for this one if you are here during the height of summer to make the most of cooler temperatures. Pack lots of water and maybe a picnic. Come off the main road onto a dirt track at the base, drive up until you get to a barbed wire fence, leave your car here as they are banned on this part of the island. Take the coast/cliff side route up between Maunga Tea Tea and Maunga Paretic, shortly coming through this gap you will find an Ahu and a Moai – Motu Toremo Hiua buried to his nose. Continue on this route and if you’re feeling energetic continue past the trees. On your return, take a higher route and look out for the petroglyphs, though very faded are worth a gander.





Inca style ruins – head out to the other side of the airport (take the road towards Orongo then branch left) to see the progression of Ahu building and the similarities to Inca styles.






Ana Kaitangata (cannibal cave) – at the bottom of Orongo, next to the children’s play park; climb down the rocky steps and sit quietly within the cave listening to the waves crashing on the rocks outside and looking at the cave paintings.






Te Peu – like a visit to Mars! Take the rough and bumpy road up the east coast (north of Hanga Roa) to Te Peu to escape people, see a different landscape and a little visited area. A fun off road drive assuming you have a 4x4 or similar.

Advice and useful information:-

How long? - Do not listen to the travel agencies that tell you 3 days is enough in this phenomenal place, if you can afford to stay longer; do. Even 7 days was not long enough and we crammed every day with activities mostly rising at 6am to fit it all in. If you can, avoid the organised tours – even with only 3 days you will fit more in, see more and learn more by buying the companion to Easter Island guide and renting a car. To really enjoy the island and have some time out to swim/snorkel/sunbathe a minimum of a week is required. After all, the journey, expense and isolation of the island makes it a once in a lifetime opportunity so try to see as much as you can.

Flights – Apparently it is common for flights to be delayed, so this is one of the situations where you really should re-confirm your flight to save a long stay in a fairly mundane airport. Also, to save confusion, the island to us is Easter Island, but it is also known as Rapa Nui and Isla de Pascua, so when you’re checking in, look for one of these names.

Best guide book? – A guide to Easter Island by James Grant Peterkin. Written by a Scottish guy who now lives locally after having originally travelled to the island to study their unique linguistic situation, Easter Island is the only place where Spanish is spoken alongside a Polynesian language. The book gives information on tour bus times (so you know how to avoid being in the same place as them), best time of day/light for photography along with an excellent account of the history of each area and must dos. A really well written book that will give you more information than most group tours! It can be purchased in most souvenir shops on the main street.

Shopping – shop for drinks, food and souvenirs as far away from the main strip as possible, the further you go the cheaper it is – ranging from a massive 2600 pesos in the centre to 690 pesos out of town for a can of diet coke! The shopkeepers definitely charge more to tourists and its hard to argue, even if you are fluent in Spanish as mostly there are no prices marked on items.

Eating – Food and drink availability in town fluctuates for popular items as cargo ship deliveries are relied upon for most produce. Expect to pay well over the odds for anything that is not grown or produced on the island. The cheapest alcohol is Mahena beers/stouts (brewed on the island);





cheapest food is Mahe Mahe or Rapa Nui fish both of which are caught locally and try to drink locally bottle water rather than imported. Tap water is safe to drink, but has quite a strong metallic taste which can be unpleasant.

Business opening hours – though there is not strictly a Siesta; shops and businesses tend to close from 1pm-5pm each day and as Easter Island is a predominately Catholic community nearly everything is closed on Sundays. During Siestas in peak summer, you will find many of the locals in Roa Bay surfing and the kids on boogie boards.

Swimming – stick to the ‘sea-pool’ (left of Pea restaurant, Roa Bay) during high water times in Roa Bay unless you’re going for a surf, the currents/rips are very strong and there are no lifeguards. Grab a snorkel/mask and go turtle spotting. Anakena beach has a part-time lifeguard, you will know when they are on duty as a green flag will be raised, this is the only location with a lifeguard. Pile on the suncream or wear a rash vest to protect yourself from sunburn.

Wild animals – there is nothing to be afraid of, be careful of sea urchins when swimming in rocky areas. Horses and cattle roam free around the whole island and dogs are everywhere in town, do not feed them or they will follow you for the rest of your stay.
Maps – during our stay we found that NONE of the maps we had brought with us or got in town were accurate. There are many roads un-marked and a few that are on the maps that don’t exist at all! In addition, I believe we saw one proper road sign on the whole island and even that had us confused, go with you instinct, if you’re staying on the main routes then you can’t really get lost as the main road does a full loop.

Mobile phones – within the town limits there is plenty of reception, but there is none at all outside the town limits so make sure your rental car has a spare tyre, jack and that you take plenty of water with you.

Car rental – If you feel confident steer away from the big car rental companies and head for the smaller outfits. They tend to be much cheaper, we paid approximately US$30 p/day (Jan 2011) whereas the larger rental companies quoted US$80 p/day. If you do rent a car, be aware that there is currently no such thing as car insurance on the island so if you have an accident expect to front up the cash. Read your contract agreement carefully, there could be no upper limit for what you will owe in this scenario.

Driving- there is only 1 petrol station on the island and it is located on the outskirts of Hanga Roa (near the airport) so fill up before you go out for the day. Approximately 10% of the roads on Easter Island are tarmac and even then they have huge pot holes, the rest of the roads are dirt tracks, rent a 4x4 or similar, you need something more than the clearance of a regular car to get over the rocks and decent suspension to keep your spine intact! Mind the wild horses and cows, they roam free and are often in the middle of the road.

Definitely take:-
A good camera and spare memory.
High factor suncream, the sun is very strong , though suncream is sold here it is very expensive. .
Snorkel and mask – it is possible to hire this equipment from the local dive schools in Hanga Roa but I feel safe in saying it is a rip off at 20,000 pesos for the day (£30-00) when for 25,000 pesos you can go scuba diving.
Pesos rather than US $ - thought US $ are widely accepted, the exchange rate is far better when paying in Chilean Pesos.
National Park entrance fee – US$60pp this is collected at Orongo or Rao Raraku, you will be issued with a ticket which you should keep with you at all times.

Location:Easter island, Chile

Caught in a rip

27/1/11
Sitting at pea resturant having lunch overlooking the water, watching the locals surfing.. Jo chomping on her new favourite ceviche, whilst I have sashimi fresh from their morning catch... We spot 3 turtles swimming just below the terrace.. That's it, forget all our afternoon plans (it's just too humid to be walking anywhere) we decide to rent snorkels and go in to see the turtles up close.. By this time the inlet has cleared of people (we assume they have finished siesta) so we run across the boiling hot earth burning our feet more with every step, reaching the waters edge we put on our fins and mask and jump in.. Finning our way out into the big waves towards where we saw the turtles.. We pop our heads up to check our location when we realise the current is pulling us out towards the big surf and rocks




So we try to carry on swimming but we are being pulled further and further out, looking around and realising that there is no way we are going to make it and that we are caught in a rip we grab each others hands and fin with all our might trying to get back to our start point, no luck at all.. Whats next? This is the first time since meeting Jo I see actual fear on her face.. Which is a pretty big deal.. We decide that the best bet is to try to swim across the current towards the far side of the inlet, eventually reaching some rocks we physically pull ourselves along back towards a shallower area where we can get out.. Finally we make it, theres no laughter this time, just huge relief..
Trying not to be put off by these events we struggle along the boiling hot rocks to an area that has been created into a sea-pool slightly protected by rocks on all sides. Jo heads down first, sitting on the edge she starts putting on her fins when WOOSH a massive wave has broken over the top of the rocks and has dragged jo flying backwards into the vertical edge of the pool area.. She gets up laughing but only once she is out do we see her elbow pouring with blood and huge scratches all up her back :( we decide to try again from the opposite side and eventually succeed in getting in.. After all that it was marginally worth it, I saw a turtle and we both saw lots of fishes like rainbow wrasse, tangs, pipe fish and little silver fishes too..
- Posted whilst on the road
Location:Easter island

Wild night

26/1/11
Thud, thud, BAM.. What? What the hell was that? Jo & I are now wide awake, check the clock, it's 3:15am.. Clip clop clip clop.. I'm frozen to the bed.. Jo climbs out and peers through the curtain.. There's a horses bottom right outside the sliding door on our balcony.. She runs back to bed.. Is it the horse that attacked our car yesterday morning? Its the same colour, looks the same.. Is it? we lie there both trying not to move incase it decides to come any closer..
Eventually we drift off back to sleep when the howling starts, if I haven't mentioned already there are literally hundreds of wild dogs on this island and the packs have obviously moved closer to the hotel, this followed by our disabled cockrel that has taken residence next to the bathroom window, by day he is silent, by night he obviously is very confused as he spends all his time stalking around cockrelling away..
Morning comes, after many hours of lying awake and we find this outside the door..




- Posted whilst on the road
Location:Easter island

Diving disaster

26/1/11
Once again you are probably starting to see a theme in our travels?
The ultimate dream for Jo, diving at Easter island! We book her in at Orca dive centre (if you know Jo then you will also know that Orcas are her fav so it seemed like fate..).
Made sure we left early from the hotel to have a nice stroll down to the harbour, me being fairly ignorant about diving asking lots of questions along the way...
We arrive and I hang around whilst Jo gets kitted up, there's lots of comaradery amongst the staff and 3 clients (including Jo) her five finger shoes get paraded around by one of the staff with much amusement making sure he shows all the local shop keepers along the way.,
A rather well built (my mum & grumpy would say 'strong') chap went to prep the panga (boat) and bring it round to the main wall - FYI as usual the killcord is just this weird red stringy thing that obviously gets in the way thus is either cut off or tucked out of reach making it very useful?!? The conditions are pretty rough round here as you have to go right through a break (where people surf, if that helps you picture the size of the waves) to get out to the dive site (are you seeing the relevance of my concern over the lack of killcord yet?). Jo and the other 2 divers receive a briefing and are pushed towards the panga with their gear already loaded on.
The set up of this gear was fairly questionable at this point..but I suppose you cant expect too much on one of the most isolated islands in the world..
They steam out through the waves catching some fairly serious air that causes the air tanks to be thrown across the boat narrowly missing jos right foot!
Arrive at the dive site, normal procedure would be to buddy up and check all your kit, not here though - strapping a weight belt around jos waist that could sink a cruiseliner and sticking some cheap snorkelling fins to her feet they push her over the side with her BCD fully inflated resembling the feeling of a boa constricter wrapped around her rib cage (normal procedure to have BCD slightly inflated).
Attempting to focus on where she was and the excitement of the dive they headed down towards the sea bed at an unfortunately fast pace, after about 20mins and reaching about 18metres they start getting close to the cavern they had come to see..
What happens next is surely a thing that would put anyone off diving for life..
Jo's regulator (the thing you breath through) closed shut.. She couldn't breath.. Looking around through the scratched goggles (school kit) she finally spotted the dive guide over 8m away and not paying any attention as he was completely focused on the other divers.. What's next? Two choices 1) emergency ascent (caesar) or 2) test to see if the octopus (emergency regulator) is working.. Now if option 2 was taken there is a risk that it wont work either.. If you try it and it doesnt work you have just exhaled all the remaining air in your lungs which makes it impossible to do an emergency ascent without getting the bends.. So gladly Jo went for option 1..
Once on the surface the dive guide reappeared a short time later asking why she was up there.. They had no idea! Eventually through various dive sign language she explained that her regulator had stopped working and was recovered into the boat..
If I had known about all of this at the time when I went down to meet her I would have gone mental! Bloody mother F**king irresponsible, careless ar*eholes..
No wonder Jo waits till we are far away to tell me things.

- Posted whilst on the road
Location:Easter island

Horse attack

25/1/11
With excitement we got up at 6am ready to take the dark drive to Tongariki, The most famous collection of Moai on the island to watch the sunrise.. We were warned to take the road slowly due to large amounts of wild cows and horses (a bit like the new forest) that roam freely around Easter island. So we made sure we left plenty of time to cruise over there. After taking a wrong turn (this island may be small but there are literally no road signs and tons of roads that aren't on the map) we realised our error and swung our little terios around. Having remembered seeing quite a few horses and cattle at the side of the road we took the drive at a steady pace. Coming across a group of horses in the road we slowed to a stop assuming they would wander out of the way.. What came next was more than a surprise! One of the horses with a glint in it's eye obviously shocked by the head lights of the car bolted directly towards the drivers door smashing into it! In absolute horror I put my foot down and hurtled away with the now detached wing mirror smashing against the door hanging on by a single wire.. Too afraid to stop for a variety of reasons including previous experiences with psyco local drivers and cows with horns we carried on driving through the darkness in a mix of shock and laughter until we found the turning for the road we were originally supposed to be on; pulling over we surveyed the damage.. The car obviously came off worse than the horse as it totally ripped off the wing mirror and put a massive dent in both the front and rear drivers side doors, plus where we had driven away in such haste the area surrounding the wing mirror is all scratched..






Pulling the wing mirror inside the window we headed on in the darkness with dust blowing in our eyes through the now wide open window praying that no further wild animal would throw itself at us.. With still a way to go the light was starting to creep across the east of the island as we continued to try and complete our original view.. As time was against us we pulled over at a single Moai and absorbed the spectacular sunrise with the hope that we will reach our intended destination later in the week.






As we sit here now writing this we are waiting to hear the cost of our horse damage as there is no such thing as car insurance here.. We will let you know the outcome..


- Posted whilst on the road

Location:Easter island

Our Santiago observations

- 20 raw chickens for sale in a grannies style wheely basket, no ice, no wrapping- very tempting purchase




- totally unsubtle pointing, staring & laughing at jos feet by EVERYONE (she admittedly is wearing five fingers shoes but still..)
- beautiful green spaces & fountains at every turn
- massive fish market with the most incredible assortment, but again no ice, no chilled areas, no covers just out there sweating in 90 degree heat
- the kindness & gentle nature of the locals
- excellent bus stop signs?! A plastic bag sellotaped to a tree, the only giveaway for a newcomer is a group of people randomly stood in a line on the street



- be wary not to take a wrong turn outside the fish market as you will shortly end up in a whore market.. Not that Jo noticed, rather she thought groups of ladies were just gathered chatting on the street.. Bless.
- traffic queue entrepreneurs.. Juggling in the middle of the road..

Santiago in a nutshell - definitely worth a visit & we would definitely come back..
Currently sat at the airport having got up at 5am for an 8am flight to Easter island aka Rapa Nui aka isla de pascua (very confusing when you're asking for directions to check in!) - flight has been delayed for 4hours, very boring!
I have seen people get cross at the airport but nothing quite like this morning where security had to be called as a guy in a yellow jacket was leaning right over the counter swinging at the check-in clerk whilst his wife jumped onto the luggage belt and tried to get around.. All because our flight is delayed?!?




Our bag is that grey one right in the middle - all stacked on one airport trolley I suppose it's the quickest way to transport the baggage to the plane without a truck..

Tango airship

On a normal day when you come across some kind of food or drink promotion, people are handing out treats on the street or in the supermarket unusually rather than taking a wide berth it's actually quite exciting and suddenly you find yourself completely changing your route just so you 'happen' to be passing by that person who's handing out the little chocolate tasters or starbucks samples..
Well, if you get my train of thought then you would have taken advantage of the tango promotion on at Paris airport yesterday too!
You know when you have a bottle of water on the plane with you and when you take off it gets all distorted or when you open a tube of cream and it pours out?
Well, 4 cans later at the airport (my logic is based around the fact that I need to hydrate before getting on a long haul flight) and I'm feeling quite hyper from all the sugar, within a couple of hours of being on the plane I have really bad tummy ache and my trousers are feeling pretty tight, Jo looks down and a look of pure horror spreads across her face .. I follow her stare, OMG.. Ha! Unbelievable I have inflated so much I now resemble Violet from willy wonka (who inflates onto a giant blueberry remember?). Try sitting on a plane for 15hours like this..



Mmm anyway, we are in Santiago now, it is VERY hot, Jo slept for a massive 9 hours on the plane (I think the sleeping tablets I fed her worked! Tee hee - though infact I shot myself in the foot because
that's a VERY long time to not have anyone to talk to/play with) so she is feeling good - walked for ages (sweated prefusely) found a starbucks and if you have never had it chai tea frappacino is AMAZING !



Going investigating properly tomorrow so will report back then - one thing I will say however is that they don't seem to have a 'sign' for Chilean pesos so they use $ which is fine but when U.S.$ are widely accepted as much as pesos it kinda freaks you out when something as simple as a bus ticket is $18,000.. Get your head round that.. Plus 670 pesos to the £1- so most people have a few hundred thousand in the bank, a ton is a coin and a monkey doesn't even buy you a diet coke..
Oh and try typing on a keyboard like this... Spot the difference?



- Posted whilst on the road

Abu Dhabi Style

You would so be laughing at me.. I really don't know why i always get caught in these situations when i travel...?

I arrived at Abu Dhabi after sitting next to a guy on the plane who spent the entire journey hocking up greeners, spitting them into his hand, looking at them, then eating them again... I am NOT kidding, it was rancid... however loudly i turned up my ipod it was a tone that just cannot be cut out of ones hearing URGH...

I arrived in A.D. at midnight, the guy (Alan) I am working for had claimed to have arranged a driver to take me to the hotel...so out I skip from baggage collection looking for a handsome Arabian to whisk me away.. but no, alas there was no-one, absolutely no-one waiting for me... :( 
So, my usual solution took precident, go outside, breath deeply and figure out what the hell to do... I walk out of  the sliding doors from the cool air-conditioned airport and woosh.. my goodness its ROASTING (35 degrees) and its midnight.. I don't even want to think what tomorrow is going to be like..
So, I telephoned the guy that I'm working with (Alan), theres no answer... I leave it a while.. call him again.. no answer... its 1am now.. theres pretty much no-one left in the airport other than the cleaners... erm... mmmmm... right.. what now?!?!
Phone rings.. WOO HOO, very broken line but its the guy, hes going to call the hotel & find out whats happening (incidently I didn't even know the name of the hotel i was staying in as he booked it on my behalf..). 5 mins later two Arabian gentlemen come over 'Miss Candi?' .. erm.. 'yes?' ....'we have car for you' so i get shoved in the back of a car, bag chucked in the boot and off we go at no less than 120mph.. AGHHH, ok, thank goodness no other cars are on the road.. 10 mins later my phone rings.. its Alan, 
Alan- 'erm, where are you? the hotel car is waiting for you outside airport gate 6?'..
Me - 'what do you mean?... i'm in the hotel car?'....
Alan - 'no, the car is waiting for you, i've got the driver on the other line..'... 
Me - 'WHAT? who the hell am i in a car with then & where are we going?' 
All i can see is blurred road signs as we are driving so damn quickly.. i think i just made out Dubai (60kms).. Mmmm pretty sure we are supposed to be travelling towards Abu Dhabi NOT Dubai.. Shite.. whats the name of the hotel i need to be heading for?!??!?!

Much broken english and sign language later.. we are turned around and heading in the right direction... my driver is from Jordan, he has 7 children, the oldest is an accountant, she works in a bank in Abu Dhabi, the next 3 are at uni in Jordan (very expensive apparently), studying sport, medicine & english, the last 3 are still at school.. in Jordan... (good aren't I... and i'm not lying about the above.. i spent most of the journey scared & as a result kept asking questions & acting friendly so if he was planning on dropping me off in the middle of the desert to die of heat exhaustion then maybe he would think i was nice enough to leave a bottle of water too..).... 
The last and unforgettable question from Driver... 
Driver - 'are you married?'.... 
Me - 'No'... 
Driver - 'Why not? Whats wrong with you?' All my children over 18 are married.... you very old... you should be married...'
CONVERSATION ENDS...! 
The rest of the drive is in silence,...  we finally arrive at the hotel, have a debate with reception about who is paying for the taxi as the hotel was supposed to send one and i'm not organised enough to have changed any money... find room.. pass out...
wake up.. its 57 degrees... i'm currently hiding in hotel air-con.. went outside for 5mins.. nearly melted away like ice-cream.. I am SO English!! Must do some work now..






Readjusting to UK life

Having trouble readjusting to life back at home now that the travelling is over?
Here are a few handy hints to help you settle back in:



1) Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds, and every night invite random people to sleep in your bedroom with you. Ensure at least once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the top bunks. Remove beds one by one as symptoms improve.

2) Sleep in your sleeping bag, forgetting to wash it for months. Add some bugs in order to wake up with many unsightly bites over your arms and legs.
 
3) Enlist the help of a family member to set your radio alarm to go off randomly during the night, filling your room with loud talking. This works best if the station is foreign. Also have several mobiles ringing, without being answered. To add to the torture, ask a friend to bring plastic bags into your room at roughly 6am and proceed to rustle them for no apparent reason for a good half an hour. 

4) Keep all your clothes in a rucksack. Remember to smell them before putting them on and reintroduce the use of the iron SLOWLY. 

5) Buy your favourite food, and despite living at home, write your name and when you might next be leaving the house on all bags. This should include mainly pasta, 2 minute noodles, carrots and beer.

6) Ask a friend/family member to every now and again steal an item of food, preferably the one you have most been looking forward to or the most expensive. Keep at least one item of food far too long or in a bag out in  the sun, so you have to spend about 24 hours within sprinting distance of the toilet.

7) Even if it's a Sunday, vacate the house by 10am and then stand on the corner of the street looking lost. Ask the first passer-by of similar ethnic background if they have found anywhere good to go yet.

8) When sitting on public transport (the London Tube would be ideal) introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you, say which stop you got on at, where you are going, how long you have been travelling and what university you went to. If they say they are going to Morden, say you met a guy on the central line who said it was terrible and that you've heard Parsons Green is better and cheaper. 

9) Finally stick paper in your shower head so that the water comes out in just a drizzle. Adjust the hot/cold taps at regular intervals so that you are never fully satisfied with the temperature. Because of this frustration, shower infrequently. 

These simple but effective instructions should help you fall back into normal society with the minimum effort. Good luck!


Ecuador - Part 3

On reflection it’s pretty obvious that perhaps you should ask for details of what a tour involves before signing up based purely on the name ´Volcan Sierra Negra´for those of you that know Jo you will also know that one of her obsession is Volcanoes so obviously this tour was a MUST. Have a read of a guidebook and it will tell you of the phenomenal views and incredible landscape of the 2nd largest volcano in the world, if you have managed to make it all the way to the Galapagos let alone Isabella (population 2000) then obviously it is compulsory to witness that things that make it so individual. After all it is the largest island in the archipelago yet has one of the smallest populations.
As soon as you arrive it is obvious why as due to the amount of lava it is a very barren island. Coastally it is a mix of beautiful white idyllic beaches (with random deposits of lava) the route to the volcanoes is damp, lush vegetation and the rest of the island is like the meteor rock in the film Armageddon and feels just as hot.
It started so well, picked up from our hotel in a truck, dropped at a hostel where we made our pack lunch to take with us, just as we were finishing our guide asked us if we had water, I showed him my bottle and he looked worried and said ´need more, much more, at least 1 litre´ perhaps at this point I should have considered why this was.. but instead I let myself be shipped along with the others in our group. Next, onto the giant tuk tuk truck (basically wooden benches bolted onto the bed of a pickup truck) not the most comfortable thing in the world but a cool ride through the banana plantations on the way up to Tomas de Berlanga. On arrival there was a heavy damp mist, about 20 horses and a toilet (which was surprisingly clean and even had toilet paper!) a quick dash to the facilities and we were taken over to meet the scrawny horses that were to endure us for the journey to the rim of Volcano Sierra Negra. Jo was put onto the healthiest looking horse (and much to my relief if you know about her fear of horses...) it was the most docile as promised by the guide. The rest of us were boosted up onto a mixed rabble of nags, for some reason my saddle had a plastic sheet on it, which at the time I thought was a bonus as surely the wet mist had made the other blankets wet and therefore probably sticky and uncomfortable. My 1st lesson was learnt within 20mins of the ride when the inside of my legs were firmly stuck to the plastic and my arse was being chapped as we made our way up the muddy slopes (FYI DO NOT wear shorts on a horse, a combination of legs chafing on various bits of plastic, leather and buckles along with an uncontrollable horse dragging your lower legs through every tree, bush on the trail and just to top it off the horse owner constantly up the arse of the group swinging a rope, whistling and making kiss noises to gee the horses along caused a continuous and rather serious case of horse tail-gating and bottle necks which means far too much of the time is spent with your knee pressing into the backside of the horse in front, groce on its own but when you spot the enormous amount of poo coming out of that same hole at regular intervals it can cause some concern. 


After an interesting, amusing but somewhat uncomfortable ride up/walk/trot bursts we jumped off our nags and walked to the edge of the crater (with a slightly John Wayne swagger) quickly afterwards we were called together and started our trek down to Volcan Chico which is still active in the hope of seeing some fumaroles.
Now the only things mentioned prior to this trip is that sandals/flip flops are not appropriate and that we would be on horses and then walk for one hour. No one mentioned at anytime that if you power walked down and back up it would take at least an hour EACH way. In reality it took nearly two hours to get down to Chico as we were stopping to take photos, learn about the formulation of lava tunnels etc. Infact though it was hot there was a nice breeze and because your brain is occupied by info, beautiful views and attempting not to fall over (and gash your leg open on the spikey lava) it was really quite enjoyable. A rather deterring factor for me was that shortly after the horse ride I got a sharp pain in my stomach and stood at the top of the Volcano in the middle of nowhere my womanly parts decided to kick into action (typical of my timing, always the most inopportune moments) this rendering me grumpy, dirty, sweaty and miserable (much to Jo´s delight) stood at the furthest away point to any form of area where I could sort myself out. So, stood on the path with a packet of wet wipes and an emergency always ultra... I will leave the rest to your imagination... however thank goodness Jo was there shoving Feminax Ultra in my direction in the hope that it might get rid of my grimace...
On arrival at Volcan Chico there was a relatively but not unpleasant smell of sulphur and an incredible view of Mariella, Fernandina and Santiago islands - we stopped for lunch on the top of Chico and at this point I think it is relevant to mention our groupies - we were lucky to only have two others, Colin a ginger paramedic from Toronto, Canada and Jenny a skinny, whiny, winging, non-stop talking American from Houston, Texas - now I would say we are not typical Brits who seem to get riled by the American accent but once again this was a rare occasion where if she had fallen down a pit of molten lava I’m pretty sure the only reason we would have noticed is because finally we would have had some peace from the constant ear piercing whine of her pointless and un interesting drivel. Colin was kind enough to entertain her conversation, where we had tried to ignore it where possible and chose to be polite but not start conversation and to walk as far behind or in front of her as possible.
I don´t think we were very subtle?! But on that same note she probably just thought we were weird, boring Brits. That’s if she even picked up on the fact that we were from the UK? As she was mostly too busy enjoying the sound of her own voice...


After a long hike back to the top of Sierra Negra where our heads were resembling inflated, sweaty tomatoes ( you know that feeling of your head pounding like your head is going to pop?) mine resembled this due to a lack of fitness and inability to cope with the heat... I think Jo´s was because she either had to push or pull my pathetic excuse for a body up the second half of the hike along with both our backpacks, whilst I spent the time trying to imagine what would actually happen if I collapsed there and then when there was no roads, horses and certainly no helicopters to rescue me. I can only imagine that some form of SAS/medic training would take over Jo and I would get magically folded up, inserted in her backpack, where by some miracle it would be air conditioned and I would be gently rehydrated, finding that only after minutes I would be stood in a cold shower back at the hotel...YEAH RIGHT...I WISH.


The terrible truth is whilst losing pints in both sweat and blood I did make it to the top (with much help from Jo I hasten to add) only to realise that I was desperate for a wee and we had to ride the horses all the way back down....

Ecuador - Part 2


As we sat airside in our flying mobile we thought we had entered the red bull flying challenge unawares... picture this, you get put into the smallest plane in the world (did you know that there is more room in a 2-seater helicopter?) and a little Ecuadorean man in his orange jump suit appears to give the propellers a tug, not that it seemed to help much but after another 2 guys joined him (I think they worked in the cafe) they finally managed to get it going... at this point Jo is starting to hmmm raiders of the lost ark theme tune and Candi is burying herself down into her chair tightening the seatbelt to a rather constrictive position... we will leave you with those thoughts and jump forward to landing with Jo´s ear semi intact on the island of Isabella (Galapagos) - Jo jumps out of the plane at the airport (or rather a mud strip that was perhaps mistaken for the airport?!) with a spring in her step, a beaming smile and many hand-shakes with the pilot having had an amazing flight.. somewhere in the background Candi ejects herself from the tiny opening with a pale face and shaky legs...On to the check-point where our bags were inspected for organic materials (which are banned here) only to find with much amusement George & Maddie were looking back up at her from their sleeping bag... Enough said on that one.
Moving on... we arrive at Casa De Marita (advertised as the best hotel on Isabella... if I tell you it is the only hotel on Isabella it will probably explain everything... Mmm. It really is in a fantastic, idyllic spot, our room is right on the beautiful white sand beach... there’s hot water... erm... and MASSIVE spiders to keep us warm at night... oh and the other occupants of the hotel are Americans... now in a normal circumstance neither of us have the slightest problem with Americans.. in fact we quite like the whole culture but for some reason every rude, loud, irritating American seems to be staying at this hotel... did you know it is not possible to close a door, you must SLAM it...?? Plus, in all of Jo´s joy of being away on holidays... we awake on the 1st morning stroll into the breakfast room and EVERYONE turns around and stares at us (Candi is wondering whether she has a massive bogey hanging out of her nose?) and Jo says MORNING with glee... to get all of ZERO responses other than a grunt.. Mmm.. we scuttle around the back and sit quietly at our table...
Onto day 2 on Isabella and off on our first trip... much less eventful in the negative sense and much more eventful in the reasons that we are here...
Las Tintoreras - a panga (dinghy) ride across the bay (once again this is a time where Candi just HATEs the fact that she trains powerboaters as a job... a 14yr old sat at the helm of this crusty wooden panga with a 50hp Yam 2-stroke on the back, the kill cord is replaced with a bit of twine wrapped around the button (FYI this was not attached to anything or anyone at the other end just dragging in the water behind us) we manoeuvre our way through VERY shallow waters which are full of MASSIVE lumps of lava rock (very sharp) - every so often the engine would be thrown into the air by the 14yr old to avoid ripping the prop off and then dumped back down where he would then use it as a seat...??? For god sake... can you really mistake it for a seat? and on that note can you really steer it whilst sat on it? - Plus a few of you may be able to appreciate this too... pangas are personalised here in a very special way... t-shirts are cut and fitted to the engine covers... we even saw a Volcom one!! (much respect- he must have nicked it off someone’s clothes line at the hostel).
Animal counts on route (whilst on the panga) - penguins, sea lions, sea turtles, blue footed boobies, pelicans- quite impressive really!

 
Las Tintoereras is a little island resembling a scene from Jurassic park, firstly the landscape was volcanic lava mounds, but better than that was hundreds of giant marine iguanas (resemble dinosaurs), sally light-foot crabs, and much to Jo´s absolute ecstatic joy white tip reef sharks...just as she is dangling her sandal clad toe over the water’s edge Candi reads aloud the sign a short distance away ´Shark sleeping ground - no swimming´ and I am sure below this in small print it would have said for fear of legs being chewed off.. but alas Jo still wanted to throw herself in amongst 20 sharks so she could stroke them (as she has done before) like they are a pet dog or something?? INSANE... Candi is stood well back at this point... with a very worried expression.
More to come... 



Ecuadaor - Part 1

Well, well... would you expect anything less from the 2 of us....?
We will make this brief as we are currently stood sweating in Baltra airport waiting for our next flight... been up since 5am and I for one am pretty smelly. (obviously my wife smells like a rose...)
Just wanted to make a few statements which will probably give you a rough low-down of where we are at-
- Near death by palm tree branch... too much laughter from Jo... stood in sunshine (Miami) beautiful day, lovely lunch... walked out of restaurant... Jo ahead of me with camera out... leaving me to suffer potentially fatal tree attack...
- Hair, eye and forehead attack by prawn tail... once again with much hysteria from Jo (and FYI it was HER prawn tail, in HER hand...NOT mine)
- Volcano eruption... hasten to add.. this includes lava flow, ash clouds etc all within 3miles of us... (much to Jo's enormous excitement and my slight trepidation)
- Running paramedics at Quito airport... for my WIFE... (no Jo wasn’t laughing this time) and by the way this was not just her carrying out research for Green gym or BodyMOT systems... it was actually for an exploding ear drum, seized up jaw and bleeding nose... which took place 10mins before we were due to board our plane to Galapagos... FYI at the point my wifely duties should have been to care and sympathise but in my usual style I instead suffered from near heart failure about missing our flight and thus our connection therefore leaving us stranded at Quito airport... whereas I mentioned before there was a bloody volcano erupting... what’s worse ear drum or death by magma... let me think.. I certainly didn’t pass that test as a good wife... or maybe I did as I was concerned for our lives... 






I’m going to leave you with those thoughts as time is running out on this extortionately expensive internet station...
obviously having most wonderful time regardless of the above mis-haps..

Luck strikes again in the USA

Las Vegas...4hr drive back to LA easy enough? Seen the forecast on TV, a run of 4 storms in or heading towards LA, we are from England a bit of wind and rain doesn't phase us, it's like our birth right to be in weather like that.
We fly back home on Sunday so can't hang out in LV until it clears, plus have motels booked and paid for in LA so don't want to waste that.. You know what we are glad we left when we did as no more than 2hrs after us the interstate roads were closed down.. So get this, a bit of rain through the desert,then a bit more, then more, then sleet, then hail, fog settling, visability about 1/4 mile, a little dusting of snow (very rare for such low elevations), then more snow, it's starting to settle now, snow on sand is quite a bizarre sight actually.. Admiring the beauty, taking some photos out the window then within a blink of your eye visability drops to 5 feet, hazard lights on everywhere, cars skidding across the road, snow is dumping, wind is howling, snow settled at least 6inches within the 1st half hour.. We have a stack of snow on the bonnet, the windscreen wiper on the drivers side resembles a wet sponge being rubbed on the windscreen reducing any remaining visability to a wet blur, this results in trusting my efficient co-driver/navigator Jo to narrate the road conditions, cars, traffic etc, leaning out the window every so often for a combination of reasons, 1) to try and work out where my lane is as the lines are covered with snow, 2) to work out where the barrier and central reservation are so we don't collide with it 3) to stop myself falling asleep after a week in Vegas and 4/5hrs driving...and yeah and to scrape the mounds of snow off the windscreen which were stopping the wipers from moving at all by this stage..
Are you getting the picture????
Once again we are having hilarious fits of slightly frightened laughter about the fact that natural disasters seem to follow us around?!? Volcanos in ecuador, flashfloods in australia.. Need I go on!
So, my point us the north if LA has been evacuated due to mud and land slides, downtown is under flood warnings and south LA is being terrified by trees being torn out at the roots by the wind. FYI we are currently holed up in starbucks in downtown wondering if we are going to see our car float past at any given moment? The snow has ceased here but torrential rain and wind prevails...
I think the airport is closed at the moment so fingers crossed we have a weather window on Sunday so we can get our flight, you might see us on the news otherwise... Two homeless Brits, high as a kite after living in starbucks for 4 days are causing chaos at LAX trying to swim to the plane...
Oh dear...

Repulsive flight from UK to LA

You know us, nothing is ever completely smooth running... The question is do you really want to hear about it? For the first time we were superbly organised in our preparations for our annual excitement, for some unknown reason we were put through our paces before our departure with a mixture of flat car batteries, family members locking themselves out of their homes and a late night trip to a&e for a massive ear infection the night before our flight, this time it was candis turn. If you recollect our honeymoon then you know what we are talking about...
Getting through the above and slightly jaded as a result we head to the airport with tons of time to spare as all flights to the states are under massive security scrutiny since that idiot set himself on fire. Arrive, check in, go through security, eat sushi, head to gate, join long queue, finally get to front to have our tickets checked to be informed that the inflight entertainment was broken, nothing they could do, suggest you buy a book to take on the flight! Yeah, cheers, thanks for that 11.5hrs of Reading?! Unlikely! I'm sure part of the point of flying is to fall into a gormless, numb, brain-dead world watching a movie marathon, so that when you land at your destination you can't for the life of you remember a single film title from the last 6 movies you have somehow managed to view without really realising it...sound familiar? Needless to say the flight was not the most stimulating, add to that the fact that poor Jo had a fat, hairy, cold filled, old fart sat next to her (no I'm not talking about me, the OTHER side!) he spent much of the flight, coughing, sneezing & hocking in her ear, the thrilling part was that whenever he sneezed a cloud of his dandraft enveloped jo's head & left her looking like someone had poured parmasan cheese over her jumper, utterley repulsive! Add to this the fact that there were a couple of jocks sat infront of us who were having a very enthusiastic conversation for much of the flight about power sports which involved them jumping around in their seats like baboons on speed, this wouldn't necessarily be a problem if jos knees weren't taking the full impact? The bonus of being tall in economy! Brilliant.
At the end of the day you will always put up with these things because you know you're going on holiday and it will all be worth while once you get there. In any other environment, you know for a fact that would absolutely NOT even consider it! We are in LA, it's sunny and 72 degrees, worth every minute of dandruff....

Chamonix Saviours

Why is it that whatever is supposed to be an easy day never quite turns out that way?

After a bit of an early start getting the girls on the bus to Geneva airport I went back to bed to dose for an hour before calling a taxi, nipping around the corner to pick up keys to the new apartment and then having a very chilled errand day before my sister, brother in-law and 1 year old nephew arrived for a long weekend skiing...

So simple we are all thinking, but trust me this was NOT the case.

It all started with suffering yet another ice cold shower, followed by calling every taxi company in Chamonix utilising my very best French accent in a hope that they may understand me better, this was not the case and regardless they either didn't start work till midday (it was 9:30am at the time) or they were doing airport runs.

Now this may not sound like too much of a problem and be asking why on earth I didn't just catch the ski bus, but if you could only see the ridiculous amount of gear I had (skis, snowboard, suitcase, backpack, vodka and the all essential toilet roll) you would have appreciated my predicament.

All of this combined with the fact that 'check-out' is at 10am and that I have a rep meeting me at 10:30am... the situation is gradually looking worse... What topped this off was that a French cleaner came into the apartment to clean only to find me & all my stuff still there and started yelling at me... I couldn't actually understand a word she was saying but figured she didn't want me there so dragged all my stuff onto the side of the street and just sort of stood there wondering what on earth to do... i couldn't move anywhere because I couldn't physically carry all my stuff, I was getting a bit desperate by this point.

This is when my first saviour arrived, an elderly lady who lived next door came home in her very crusty van only to find a rather dishevelled girl pretty much camped on her doorstep and with much gesticulating and a combination of bad French and English she decided she wanted to lend me her van to get my stuff to town, how truly amazing! So, after 20mins of instruction on how to jump start the van using a spare battery and a rather clever wiring system, off I trundled up to town, met the key lady dropped my stuff off at the apartment and made my way back to Les Praz to return the van. Oh the kindness of strangers shows itself once again...

You would think my day would now get easier??? You couldn't be more wrong!

My sister, brother in-law and 1 year old nephew arrived early evening and in a panic to get my nephew fed, into the bath and off to bed they burst into the apartment with a little hello and got on with the routine. Once fed the little monkey was popped into the bath and my sister went off to get his pyjamas and bedding out of his suitcase... Opened the suitcase to find nothing that resembled baby items at all... in fact there was a strangers things inside what was an identical bag. If you haven't guessed it already, my sister had picked up the wrong bag from the airport conveyor belt...

Panic quickly followed, no clothes, no bedding, no nappies, in fact nothing as they only had the flight essentials in their carryon luggage. Now if you know babies, you will also know that routine is absolutely essential... So being put to bed on a plastic mattress in your cords and jumper without your favourite teddy bear is NOT a realistic option. Combined with this, the idea of doing it for more than one night is also NOT an option.

In an attempt to calm the parental nerves I made a 15 phone call marathon in an attempt to track down their bag at Geneva airport...thank goodness it was still there... and the lady whose bag we had was also still there....Oops...!

Next question is how to get back to the airport, car rental companies are closed, taxi firms all say no and there are no airport transfers leaving in the next 24hours...agghh.

Last resort, I ring a girl I have met a total of 3 times who I know has a car and bribe her to take me to the airport (it is nearly 10pm by now). Running down the freezing streets of Chamonix with the stranger’s bag in tow I manage to locate the car park, a very irritated looking second saviour and a very small Renault Clio which is to be our speedy transport for the evening. With the fuel light already on as we sped out of town along the icy roads. Stifled conversation took place for the next hour until we got to the French/Swiss border, suddenly then realising that we had a strangers bag in the boot that could literally contain ANYTHING (drugs, weapons..) we held our breath and smiled innocently at the Gendarmerie and made a rapid escape (well as rapid as you can be in a 1.2L Clio).

On arrival at the airport I was promptly ejected from the car, dashed into lost and found to bump straight into a lady called Claire Alder whose bag I had in tow... what was great was that she was no longer irritated, infact she was incredibly reasonable down to the fact that she had opened the bad and seen all the baby items!

Enroute through customs, with the correct bags in tow we started chatting and I found out what could be the most annoying news possible...

Guess where she was on her way to that evening for a long weekend?

Chamonix.....
Accommodation providers in Chamonix, France  http://www.bigfoot-travel.co.uk/

L'autobus - Chamonix

After a few après-ski drinks and a trip to the supermarche to buy some drinks and a selection of food for dinner we suddenly realised the time and made a mad dash for the last bus of the day (7pm) back to our apartment in La Praz, Just making it we all jump on, mighty pleased that we didn't have to waste our valuable drinking money on 'Herve' our very special taxi driver. The bus was pretty full with an eclectic mix of various inebriated holiday makers and of course 'US' the very sensible local-types...

Off we trundled, having chats with a hilarious group of English girls and generally having a great time pretending to be seasoned locals and giving advice on the local hotspot drinking venues. After about 15mins on a very steamed up bus, it suddenly dawned on us that we hadn't passed our stop and that we didn't actually realise any of the names of places we had passed; it was shortly time for our new (slightly crazy) friends to disembark when we coyly asked if they knew where the Les Praz stop was... the very amused response was that this particular bus didn't go there, in fact it was going in completely the opposite direction!!! Just before the other girls left, one of them who was semi-paralytic but with excellent French asked the bus driver how we were going to get back there and the answer quickly came back with the fact that we had to return to Chamonix where the night bus system started at 10:30pm.. (It was 7:30pm at the time...)

Sounds simple enough, other than the fact that our bags of shopping would have to attend a very packed pub with us... on we drove expecting for the bus to take a circular route returning straight back to Chamonix centre...Surprise, surprise this was NOT the case!

Our bus driver had a half hour coffee/cigarette break at the furthest point from town and we were not allowed to stay on the bus during this period. So like a bunch a school children we followed her into a VERY local haunt whilst she told the bar stuff, much to their amusement what a predicament we were in. A few drinks and various phone calls later we were still defeated as the most successful call we had made was that a taxi could be with us in an hour...we decided to stick with the bus...

Popping down to the toilet I then return to find the bar empty and the barman saying "too late, l'autobus already gone..." jacket and wallet gone from the table a brief flash of panic takes over as I wonder how on earth I might get home and if I can still remember my igloo building skills from the snow survival course taken years previous. Much to my relief I then used the limited (and rather pickled) brain power I have left to look out the window and across the road and see the bus still there, running across the road and jumping on the bus to see a very amused group of faces staring back at me, not only were my friends laughing at my brief flap but infact the whole bus were wetting themselves with laughter as the driver had relayed the story to ALL the new passengers. Feeling slightly embarrassed we decided to keep our heads downs and crack open some of the wine brought nearly 3 hours previously at the supermarket.


Twenty minutes and quite a few empty bottles later we finally stumbled off the bus back into central Chamonix, called a taxi that was going to take an hour and slipped into the original après-ski bar we had started in to wait...

So much for a chilled, detox night at home with a lovely home cooked meal. All I can say is that there have been lessons learnt...

1) Always check where buses are going before getting on

2) Never act like a local when you aren't (especially if you have the capacity to make a complete tit of yourself)

3) Alcohol does not help (whatever people say) especially when trying to make a decision.

We live and we learn...
The self-catering apartment we staying in was Chalet Praz, 50m away from the cable car station leading up to the Flegere ski area 5 mins drive from Chamonix centre.. It was booked through the very helpful Bigfoot Travel Company.

Shipbound in the Scottish Highlands - Part 3

I am alive!

Now this may seem a bit of an extreme statement, but if you think this then I do not think you have quite grasped my previous situation (Please read Part's 1& 2) and the circumstance I had found myself in on a random island.... !
I suppose the previous becomes irrelevant as I now sit in the luxury dryness of a plane, I believe this is the first time I have appreciated the uncomfortable tiny seats on a charter flight, something about them being warm and dry...?!?
HOWEVER what you don't know is the tribulations of my journey to this very seat. If you have had enough of my rantings I suggest you stop reading now, though I do feel that the following could help you appreciate the luxuries of personal transport, even if it is just for a second...
When I left you last I believe it was the point that I had started 'eyeballing' a mountain goat with a less than friendly look.. I am glad to say 'Morris' the goat and I did not become better acquainted other than a wave of his hoof as he trotted away on the arrival of my transport to the mainland.

Now this all sounds very pleasant, but please do not forget that it was gale force 8 wind conditions and heavy rain throughout my island stay and it just so happened that an island tour rib had picked up some VHF marine radio banter from the ship regarding the rather amusing situation that had left me stranded on a deserted island and in a passionate moment had offered me a lift.

Thank goodness I was only to suffer 80 minutes of island torture prior to my 'knight in soaking armor' arriving astride his 7metre orange inflatable horse... No sorry I mean rib (an open top rigid inflatable powerboat to the uninitiated). Thank goodness the Hebredians are such kind people, or perhaps its just because they needed something to do? I can't imagine there's an awful lot going on when you live on an island with a total population of 9....yes NINE!
Anyhow, I got a very wet and bumpy ride back to Malliag (mainland) where I was planning to catch the train to Inverness, unfortunately as my luck was continuing I missed the last train of the day by 6 minutes.....so, what now?

I am sure you can appreciate that by now I was not managing to look at situations in the most positive manner (especially since I had also just figured out why my bag was so incredibly heavy, unfortunately my supposedly waterproof bag is NOT as waterproof as advertised, yes, I have a bag full of not just damp, but soaking wet clothes).

So what else is there to do in the truly English manner but go and get a cup of tea.... 
As always the jolly lady behind the counter started up conversation, rather than it being in the typical friendly hostess manner; I believe it was more in horror that a dishevelled, half drowned tramp had just walked into her proud establishment. 
The questions of where I had been, where I was going, how I was getting there etc passed and finally I got away to sit down and contemplate my next plan of action....
Finally my luck changed (and about time too)...there were a group of builders on the next table driving through Inverness to go home, "Would I like a lift?", heck of course! I was far beyond caring about being mugged or piledged by random strangers; but instead happy to take up the offer.

With a skip in my step we headed out to the car park in the rain where the load bed door was swung open and I was gestured into the back, nestled in amongst some tool boxes and electrical equipment I took comfort in my iPod until the engine started and so did the rollercoaster ride that was about to last 3 hours. What must have been at least 100mph round hair pin bends, down single lane dirt roads and coasting the edge of Loch Ness for much of the journey, it felt like being in the comfort of a stretch limo..NOT...more like a washing machine on an extreme spin cycle. We finally came to a rest, the door was opened and we were at Inverness train station where I could catch a bus to the airport.

Having just spent 3 hours in darkness the natural light was a killer, between that and being totally disorientated, I struggled to even find my way out of the back of the van. Many thanks to the kind gentlemen and I was off to the airport to get my flight to London, then onto Corsica where warm weather and sunny beaches await me....here's to hoping anyway...


What adventures one can have in the British isles!

Go explore folks, the pleasures await you x

Shipbound in the Scottish Highlands - Part 2

Stranded in the Outer Hebrides...


The second installment of my journey is admittedly a little delayed as a result of the long days spent aboard the expedition ship.

However, hopefully now is better late than never?

I have now disembarked the expedition cruise ship after a somewhat interesting trip, as you might recall this is a castle, gardens and bird watching expedition; you will be glad to know at the beginning of the trip I was fully educated in all things to do with lycon and moss, I have now far outdone myself and can almost admit to being a sea bird expert as a result of listening and part taking in numerous sea bird lectures whilst the weather has been less than favourable (gale force 8 to be precise).

Now when I mention taking part in lectures, I really do mean it. Did you know that you can tell different groups of birds by the way that they flap their wings? I bet you cannot guess what my job was during the lectures? Yes, you are thinking on the right line if you think in degrees of severe humiliation.... 'impressions' were my job. I shall once again say no more, other than I hope that the idea of me flapping my arms about like a demented idiot is enough to have put a grin on your face.

On better weather days we spent our time herding old folk onto Zodiac ribs (powerboats) and doing our very best not to shatter their brittle bones and Zimmer frames on the long journeys to shore. After our first beach landing we quickly realised that it was always necessary to scout the landing areas prior to taking passengers there, as sand/mud does not make for great Zimmer frame wheel operations. Everyday's a school day!
For those 'boaty' people amongst you; I have a potential horror situation for you to picture, the Zodiacs (powerboats) are stored on deck 7 (if you haven't been on a ship before, that means pretty high up!) they are lowered down on arrival at each destination by a rope and pulley system that is operated by two very strong Ukrainians who do not unfortunately understand massive amounts of English. 

The unfortunate next step is that one member of the unwilling crew has to climb into the Zodiac and be lowered down; the reason for this is that the system operates off the middle port (left) side of this particular ship, so short of launching yourself into five degree water at the stern (back) of the ship and swimming to the Zodiac, there are few other ways of boarding.

Ironically my main concerns were not due to the fact that the lowering is man-powered, but more importantly that the only thing attaching the zodiac to the crane was a selection of rather rusty looking bolts. Not only are these key to any normal persons sanity as they dangle in a boat a couple of hundred feet in the air, but then add the large sign attached to the stern of the Zodiac with a big red danger picture on it of just this scenario.... Imagine how relaxed I was as I am of course the one being lowered down!!!!

For now I shall leave you with thoughts of my onward adventure which consists of getting from an uninhabited island in the Outer Hebrides to the mainland in gale force winds. Where I must then embark on my journey back to London. One would never believe that the British Isles could be such a challenge to travel.

My original plans of catching a ferry from a small inhabited island were foiled after the severe weather conditions came in, so now I am sat under a old jetty to shelter from the rain as I have been informed that an island tour RIB (Rigid Inflatable Boat) is due to come by in the next hour or so.. Lucky for me I have a bottle of water and a banana with me, so if I end up having to sleep here, though I may suffer from hypothermia at least I will not starve, the only thing worrying me now is not the lack of a tent, but instead that my chewing gum supply is running extremely low!
Obviously due to the middle of 'nowhere-ness' of this island I am unable to post this blog now, but I shall endeavour to send it when I am back in civilisation. Whenever that may be?!
Enough for now, I think I have spotted a mountain goat that I could milk, eat and skin with my toothbrush should situations become dire.