Shipbound in the Scottish Highlands - Part 3

I am alive!

Now this may seem a bit of an extreme statement, but if you think this then I do not think you have quite grasped my previous situation (Please read Part's 1& 2) and the circumstance I had found myself in on a random island.... !
I suppose the previous becomes irrelevant as I now sit in the luxury dryness of a plane, I believe this is the first time I have appreciated the uncomfortable tiny seats on a charter flight, something about them being warm and dry...?!?
HOWEVER what you don't know is the tribulations of my journey to this very seat. If you have had enough of my rantings I suggest you stop reading now, though I do feel that the following could help you appreciate the luxuries of personal transport, even if it is just for a second...
When I left you last I believe it was the point that I had started 'eyeballing' a mountain goat with a less than friendly look.. I am glad to say 'Morris' the goat and I did not become better acquainted other than a wave of his hoof as he trotted away on the arrival of my transport to the mainland.

Now this all sounds very pleasant, but please do not forget that it was gale force 8 wind conditions and heavy rain throughout my island stay and it just so happened that an island tour rib had picked up some VHF marine radio banter from the ship regarding the rather amusing situation that had left me stranded on a deserted island and in a passionate moment had offered me a lift.

Thank goodness I was only to suffer 80 minutes of island torture prior to my 'knight in soaking armor' arriving astride his 7metre orange inflatable horse... No sorry I mean rib (an open top rigid inflatable powerboat to the uninitiated). Thank goodness the Hebredians are such kind people, or perhaps its just because they needed something to do? I can't imagine there's an awful lot going on when you live on an island with a total population of 9....yes NINE!
Anyhow, I got a very wet and bumpy ride back to Malliag (mainland) where I was planning to catch the train to Inverness, unfortunately as my luck was continuing I missed the last train of the day by 6 minutes.....so, what now?

I am sure you can appreciate that by now I was not managing to look at situations in the most positive manner (especially since I had also just figured out why my bag was so incredibly heavy, unfortunately my supposedly waterproof bag is NOT as waterproof as advertised, yes, I have a bag full of not just damp, but soaking wet clothes).

So what else is there to do in the truly English manner but go and get a cup of tea.... 

As always the jolly lady behind the counter started up conversation, rather than it being in the typical friendly hostess manner; I believe it was more in horror that a dishevelled, half drowned tramp had just walked into her proud establishment. 

The questions of where I had been, where I was going, how I was getting there etc passed and finally I got away to sit down and contemplate my next plan of action....
Finally my luck changed (and about time too)...there were a group of builders on the next table driving through Inverness to go home, "Would I like a lift?", heck of course! I was far beyond caring about being mugged or piledged by random strangers; but instead happy to take up the offer.

With a skip in my step we headed out to the car park in the rain where the load bed door was swung open and I was gestured into the back, nestled in amongst some tool boxes and electrical equipment I took comfort in my iPod until the engine started and so did the rollercoaster ride that was about to last 3 hours. What must have been at least 100mph round hair pin bends, down single lane dirt roads and coasting the edge of Loch Ness for much of the journey, it felt like being in the comfort of a stretch limo..NOT...more like a washing machine on an extreme spin cycle. We finally came to a rest, the door was opened and we were at Inverness train station where I could catch a bus to the airport.

Having just spent 3 hours in darkness the natural light was a killer, between that and being totally disorientated, I struggled to even find my way out of the back of the van. Many thanks to the kind gentlemen and I was off to the airport to get my flight to London, then onto Corsica where warm weather and sunny beaches await me....here's to hoping anyway...


What adventures one can have in the British isles!

Go explore folks, the pleasures await you x

Shipbound in the Scottish Highlands - Part 2

Stranded in the Outer Hebrides...


The second installment of my journey is admittedly a little delayed as a result of the long days spent aboard the expedition ship.

However, hopefully now is better late than never?

I have now disembarked the expedition cruise ship after a somewhat interesting trip, as you might recall this is a castle, gardens and bird watching expedition; you will be glad to know at the beginning of the trip I was fully educated in all things to do with lycon and moss, I have now far outdone myself and can almost admit to being a sea bird expert as a result of listening and part taking in numerous sea bird lectures whilst the weather has been less than favourable (gale force 8 to be precise).

Now when I mention taking part in lectures, I really do mean it. Did you know that you can tell different groups of birds by the way that they flap their wings? I bet you cannot guess what my job was during the lectures? Yes, you are thinking on the right line if you think in degrees of severe humiliation.... 'impressions' were my job. I shall once again say no more, other than I hope that the idea of me flapping my arms about like a demented idiot is enough to have put a grin on your face.

On better weather days we spent our time herding old folk onto Zodiac ribs (powerboats) and doing our very best not to shatter their brittle bones and Zimmer frames on the long journeys to shore. After our first beach landing we quickly realised that it was always necessary to scout the landing areas prior to taking passengers there, as sand/mud does not make for great Zimmer frame wheel operations. Everyday's a school day!
For those 'boaty' people amongst you; I have a potential horror situation for you to picture, the Zodiacs (powerboats) are stored on deck 7 (if you haven't been on a ship before, that means pretty high up!) they are lowered down on arrival at each destination by a rope and pulley system that is operated by two very strong Ukrainians who do not unfortunately understand massive amounts of English. 
The unfortunate next step is that one member of the unwilling crew has to climb into the Zodiac and be lowered down; the reason for this is that the system operates off the middle port (left) side of this particular ship, so short of launching yourself into five degree water at the stern (back) of the ship and swimming to the Zodiac, there are few other ways of boarding.

Ironically my main concerns were not due to the fact that the lowering is man-powered, but more importantly that the only thing attaching the zodiac to the crane was a selection of rather rusty looking bolts. Not only are these key to any normal persons sanity as they dangle in a boat a couple of hundred feet in the air, but then add the large sign attached to the stern of the Zodiac with a big red danger picture on it of just this scenario.... Imagine how relaxed I was as I am of course the one being lowered down!!!!

For now I shall leave you with thoughts of my onward adventure which consists of getting from an uninhabited island in the Outer Hebrides to the mainland in gale force winds. Where I must then embark on my journey back to London. One would never believe that the British Isles could be such a challenge to travel.

My original plans of catching a ferry from a small inhabited island were foiled after the severe weather conditions came in, so now I am sat under a old jetty to shelter from the rain as I have been informed that an island tour RIB (Rigid Inflatable Boat) is due to come by in the next hour or so.. Lucky for me I have a bottle of water and a banana with me, so if I end up having to sleep here, though I may suffer from hypothermia at least I will not starve, the only thing worrying me now is not the lack of a tent, but instead that my chewing gum supply is running extremely low!
Obviously due to the middle of 'nowhere-ness' of this island I am unable to post this blog now, but I shall endeavour to send it when I am back in civilisation. Whenever that may be?!
Enough for now, I think I have spotted a mountain goat that I could milk, eat and skin with my toothbrush should situations become dire.

Shipbound in the Scottish Highlands - Part 1

Well if anybody had warned me as to the nature of this trip (working on an expedition cruise) then perhaps I wouldn't currently be sat on a toad stool listening to a talk on lycon (moss to you and I) with a group of anoraks.

My question for you is: At what point do you start finding these subjects interesting? 
I am not kidding when I say that this is a 2 hour guided tour and lecture on this one subject! 
This is only day 2 of a two week expedition cruise; stopping at nearly every famous garden on the coast of the British Isles. Brilliant. 
Thank goodness for my BlackBerry, at least I've got something to do in-between chatting to folks about Oyster Catchers (that's a black and white bird with an orange beak, just so you know!) and how a sundial works... 
You would all be so proud of me in my lovely boaty beige trousers, navy shirt, and very bling, very big gold shiny badge. I look like a tour guide and actually I am having to act like one just to cope.

So, my first initiation test was to get on stage with a microphone and introduce myself and the ship to 120 new passengers, just picture it for a minute... I don't think I need to say anything more on the subject other than "I was employed as a zodiac (boat) driver NOT an entertainer" you should have seen the evil crew laughing at me from the back of the room, that's what happens to the new crew, apparently its tradition! 
It went on from there and at a suitable time I will fill you in on the other horrors of working on an expedition cruise. Trust me when I say DON'T do it!

On a plus point however, the expedition leader spends 90% of his working life in Antarctica, so you can imagine my sole aim this week is to make sure he gets me a job! Perhaps not on a cruise ship though. 
Oh, and by the way, we have a staff meeting at 6:15am and finish work at 11pm. Now forget the flowers and bird watchers and fauna, who the hell works that many hours in a day, these full time staff must be either nuts or on some hefty medication.

I think I should stop ranting and start concentrating.

Anoraks to please and all. 
Its only day 2 so plenty more to come.... please read on in the next installment, it can only get better..................right?!